The last three weeks have been incredibly challenging, with some really unexpected circumstances. Forgive me for the vague terms, I'm not going to share specifics, but it's nothing life threatening.
While I've actually been strangely unemotional about this upheaval, what's telling is my diet. All that stuff that I thought was sorted, has been sorely tested with emotions come into play!
Each time I've had to face the problem(s), I've reacted in a very robotic way - and then I've CHOWED DOWN. When the first news hit, I found myself at a local pizza joint ordering a large margharita and a tub of Ben & Jerry's which I then ate at the bus-stop..... with a plastic fork. I then had pizza AGAIN for dinner.
The next time I had to face reality, I "found myself" at the local Chinese for some stirfry and prawn crackers. This morning was another tough wake-up call, so I ordered in Thai for lunch, even though I wasn't all that hungry.
If I find myself thinking about how "hard" or "unfair" my life is right now...... well, I'll just pick up some crisps at the train station and all is well... for about 30 minutes.
The result of all this takeaway junk is that I'm feeling lethargic, have spots all over my face and I've very quickly gained a couple of kgs. The way I look and feel feeds another cycle of self pity, which is easy to solve with mind numbing junk food. Look at my eyes. So dull and lifeless.
I'm being really gentle with myself over the next couple of weeks. I'm still making sure I have a juice or a smoothie every day and I'll try not to obsess over the food, or the extra weight.
The great news is that I start Karen's Raw Online Business Programme next week. I'll be staying in a hotel and will a lot of time to dream and reflect and get ready for the new me which will emerge over the six month programme.
Oh sweetie you are being so hard on yourself! Big hug to you and YES to being gentle with yourself however long it takes!
Posted by: Blanka | 06/10/2009 at 01:08 AM